rambling mind

Have you ever had to make a choice that seemed like one of the hardest choices that you almost have ever had to choose? I am literally sitting on the fench and I have absolutely no where to jump. I either jump one way and run ... or stay and fight .... I have always been a runner, its in my nature. Its the easiest method for me and I hate pain, I never want to experience pain again and for me running it makes it all go away. .. I have this thing with independance, I always am constantly trying to prove myself, I live for the moment and I dont want to make the mistake of loosing out. I have this chance to get away, live and breathe for the first time in my sheltered life. The outdoors makes me so unbelievably happy, and I have this chance of a life time and part of me is excited and dying to go and a part of me is worrying. Did i fail to mention i am a constant worrier Its pethetic. I could save myself such a hassel but you cannot control your thoughts. I know i need to experience things although Iam scared... There i admitted it Iam terrified. If i leave , I face the risk of loosing it all. .. But it has always been my dream ever since highschool. My goal after graduating was to leave, to get away and depend on myself, and times changed, i fell in love and went to school.. not that i regret this for a second, it made me who iam , but it has always been a dream that i have never persued. So here iam stuck in yet another moment of tug of war.. should i leave should i stay. Could it work, or would i jeprodize everyhting... how i wished i knew what the outcome would be....