you hurt me

i dont understand why i am still angry. i dont know if i am more hurt that the fact that you walked away or the reasons why you walked away... i thought you were a good guy.. i thought that the more i loved you the more you would love me.. i was wrong. mabye i am angry at myself for believing you loved me.. i honestly saw myself walking down the isle with you.. i dreamed nothing else. for the first time i truly can say i opened myself up to someone.. i gave you all of me.. every part that i had been hiding for so long.. i dont hate you... if fact i still very much love you.. but i shouldnt.. and i know that i should be moving on with my life.. but what you did was wrong.. and i thought that you were better person then that.. why do i still care.. why do i still love you.

Without a Heartbeat......

I always thought that where you where was where I wanted to be. That it was where I was suppose to be. God had finally given me an out in life. Something to take the years and layers of my pain away....

You dont want to hurt me you say. But you are unaware that your constantly tearing me apart. I do not know the person I am since we have been together. A peice of my mind snapped and I cannot control the insecurities and meaness that flow out. I cannot learn to trust. How can you sleep knowing I am up thinking. That I am up crying.

You made your mistakes. You have tried to make up for it. I cannot forget. I cannot forgive. My mind takes me to places I cannot even understand.

Did you ever Love me? I bet you did. With great love. Great excitment. Now we both try every day for me to be happy. I cannot forgive I cannot let go and you try and still make foolish mistakes. Why cant I be happy. Why cant I trust that you will never hurt me again. Why cant you stop doing dumb things. Why cant you bring some type of ease to my heart.

Why cant this work.

I have thought long and hard if I really am able to do this. But I cannot go on being a crazy women. I cannot go on not trusting you. I cannot go on believing where going somewhere when were not. Why is it when we discuss something you still dont care. You know how insecure I am and you just shut off your phone like I'm a peice of garbage. You sleep knowing how hurt i am. My mind tells me your not alone. That your with someone. How else could you explain you just shutting off your phone like I am nothing. God how upset I am.

Love.. its my time to go. you know it.
I hate who I am. I hate the mistakes you make. I hate my meaness.

My hope is we can take our months, our year... and grow. alone.
I hope that we cannot live without eachothers touch. That I can learn to trust and you can learn to think. I hope that we can reunite and be wonderful. Like the first time we met. Will that happen most likely not but that is my dream. When both of us have grown both of us are ready for this.. come back to me.. find me at any cost. I cannot live without you.


The Snow started falling
My thoughts are of your face.
Will you ever take my mouth and kiss me.
I'm in love with you.
I'm without a heartbeat.

Mabye years will make us wiser.
Just think about me once.
On our day of love.
Think about my smile, my touch.
How i love you.

This hurt is tremendous.
The pain cannot be released.
Find me when your ready.
Let me trust in you.


babe.. im gunna go my way and your going to go yours.
Mabye i'll see ya around