Tell me something........

I thought I taught myself not to feel......

It came so suddenly, My world was safe and secure. I walked up the stairs and i found my sunshine...
The wilting flower became whole agian... craving that sunshine. Every part of it was new and terrifying.
Why did I fool myself to believe that Sunshine would be all i needed to forget, to grow. Something has damaged me and the truth is, I block my own sunshine.
Feeling makes you know that your alive, but why does it have such negativity attached to it. Its better just to be numb, that way you are guarded and protected.
Whats my reasoning behind my madness.. feeling.
I crave that sunshine. Being so dependant on something is a downfall. All you have is yourself in the end and lately being myself requires that sunshine. I have grown so dependant on it. I remembered what it was like to laugh to love to feel for the first time in many years. being a zombie in a life that takes over your soul, living just for the sake of living... loving to to feel loved. beaten and bruised to the point where there just arnt any more things to cry about. I escaped that and found my protection. But why is it that i feel more alone then i ever have before? dependancy.....

You think this is just another one of my panic attacks...... i have thought long and hard about this. Its better for the flower and the sunshine. Sunshine has taught the flower to live to love and to feel. The flower has taught the sunshine how scared somone can be... and how much it can destroy everypart of you.

I lied when i said that i would not hate everytime it rains. because when it rains... the diamonds pour down and i see that night on the pourch. The one feeling i will not be able to block and destroy.... its imprinted on my mind. forever. no matter how hard i try to get rit of it. it will be with me until the end.

Dont think that love had nothing to do with it. it had everything to do with it.
The flower does not deserve its sunlight. One day...... the flower will begin to understand that hearts are better left alone. You can warn them but they both get suckered in. feeling what had never been experienced.

I will put your things away. I will not look at them. I will run.... I will not laugh at the childlike sunshine that i once adored. You were my everything.
You may not understand now... but i did you a favour. One day you will be in the same spot as the flower. you will look up and you will see your sunshine. Everything you have ever wanted wrapped up in one smile.

everytime you see a sunrise, do yourself a favour... dont sit down.

When you recieve a surprise that someone is staying.... walk away.

When someone tells you that they love you..... run as far as you can.

when someone kisses your neck........ dont let them no.

When someone looks at you the way i looked at you..... make sure their not flowers..

and most of all when someone tries to steal a hot dog...... dont pay......


Its my time to go..... nothing will ever change what the sunlight has shown me and made me experience... that wont be toped.

" I will think about you all the time..... but I dont need the same"


I love you... always......